Smaller isn’t always better…. My Journey with Amenorrhea
124 pounds 👉🏼 133 pounds
In the first, two pictures, you see a girl that looks healthy and strong right? You see abs and think she must be really fit right?! Well maybe I looked fit, but I wasn’t healthy. What you DON’T SEE is a girl who hadn’t had a period in over 2 years.
I avoided talking about my cycle or even doing anything about it for YEARS. I hadn’t had a consistent period since going off birth control in 2016. I hadn’t had a period AT ALL since 2018. Then, in March of 2020, everything shut down. I no longer had all these distractions to avoid the problem. God convicted my heart that I needed to address the problem. So I did. I dove in with books, podcasts, bloodwork, and working with a dietitian. I wanted to get “healthy” for the first time in years.
The number one thing I had to do?? Gain weight. My dietitian, who happens to be one of my best friends, explained it to me this way: everyone’s bodies have a healthy set point range (from the research I’ve read, it looks like it’s a 10-20 pound range) where they thrive. That’s where they function correctly, and where the body likes to stay. She believed I was below my body’s natural set point. Guess what? She was right. Over the next few months, I purposely gained weight. It wasn’t always the easiest journey, but I knew it was necessary. (Disclaimer- I wasn’t restricting my calories during this time even when I had lost my cycle. My body fat levels had just fallen lower and lower due to distance running, and I was under fueling for my activity level without realizing it).
After all that work, I got my cycle back last June. I weighed almost identical to what I did when I got pregnant. Aka- my body’s happy place. I’ve maintained around that range for almost a year and half now. I’ve also had a monthly cycle every month since. I’ve not had that, without birth control, since I was 20 years old.
Are there days where I miss having abs like that? Absolutely. As vain as that makes me sound- I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that. I absolutely struggle with body image issues at times. We live in a world where we are constantly told smaller is better, praised for being “fit”, and if someone gains weight, we are told “they let themselves go”. All of this is absolutely ridiculous, but it doesn't change the fact that this messaging is out there. It’s shoved in our faces everywhere we look.
In the past several months/years, I’ve really been trying to challenge that mindset and fight that diet culture messaging in my life. I still struggle, and some days are harder than others. But I have really tried to change my mindset from what does my body look like, to what does my body do for me? It’s my job to take care of it by fueling it correctly and moving it in a way that feels good. However, there is NOTHING healthy about obsessing over our bodies. Guess what y’all… our appearance should be one of the LEAST interesting things about us!
Last spring, I was asked by my friend, Bethany Thompson, from the “Persistent Running Podcast” to go on and share my journey with amenorrhea. If you would like to hear more about my journey….You can find it here.
This is getting lengthy, but I want to leave you with 3 reminders 👇🏼
1️⃣ A healthy body is one that functions CORRECTLY.
2️⃣ Our appearance should be the LEAST interesting thing about us.
3️⃣ Your identity isn’t in your body, your appearance, or what size jeans you wear. Your identity is in Jesus Christ.
I’m here to help anyone if I can. Just reach out.
Be blessed today y’all!